I have a headache. Still.

Headaches sound like lies. You don’t look sick and the symptom is pain in your head.

I’ve had a headache since Sunday (today is Tuesday)… It’s hard to explain, communicate, live with.

I’ll think I’m okay after sitting at my desk all day. I think, this is a dull level of pain that I can live with. It’s pain but it’s about a five and just stays there. I’m tempted to take medicine but by this time I’ve already taken three Aleve and don’t want to take six pills before noon.

With my relative sense of comfort and relief I’ll take a quick jaunt up the stairs to see Finance and that slight change in position and pulse rate will cripple me for at least the next half hour. The florescent lights aggravate the pain. I drown out everything around me with RainyMood.com and try not to cry as I shovel three more pain pills into my face and try not to look like an asshole.

Looking like an asshole is a problem because these headaches take over my body and emotions and I’m miserable in a way that, to me sounds like an excuse. It also feels stupid and embarrassing to leave work because I have a headache. It sounds like saying I have a tummy ache or job interview.

I can’t even really feel bad for myself because I have friends (more than one) who vomit uncontrollably from their headaches…

Women fake headaches to get out of sex. And headaches on Monday mean you drank too much on Sunday, right?

The thing is, I’ve been in pain—real I want to cry because every pulse beat is like being kicked in the face—pain for almost three days. It has ups and downs but it is constant and looming. At its worst I just hide under the covers and hope.

I know getting up will aggravate it. I know opening my eyes will aggravate it. I don’t know of anything more painful but I feel hyperbolic saying it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It feels like there are worms in my face eating my bones. Worms with giant circle mouths with giant fanged teeth.

I want to break down and cry but I don’t think grown up people are allowed to do that as a reaction to pain that can’t be seen and splinted or sutured.

Anyway, I went home sick today so I could finally see a doctor who will either affirm that 3-day headaches are a real thing and can (or can’t) be solved or that I’m a crazy pants pussy and should just stop hallucinating1.

Also, if you look up types of headaches, you might find there’s an easy way to tell if you have cluster headaches:

Well there’s no demon in my eye so I don’t think I have that…

UPDATE:

I went to the doctor. I have prescriptions and I will be keeping a headache journal.

Ugh, lets see if my attention span let’s me do it!

  1. I sometimes startle myself awake and husband and I Googled to figure out why that happens and the only thing we found was a Love Line article or transcript or message board recommending the person in question stop taking crystal meth and then see if the problem goes away…

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